Fire Starter

“Either I am the least ambitious person alive, or I have already fulfilled all my dreams.”–this is what I was thinking as I read the latest chapter in The Fire Starter Sessions: A Soulful and Practical Guide to Creating Success on Your Own Terms. 

I’m reading this book at the suggestion of a great group of women, all of whom I admire for their entrepreneurial spirit and creativity. And after hearing some of what they were experiencing through the book, I was excited to see what direction it would move me toward. Perhaps it would unlock some hidden desire I have to conquer the world in a new way. Perhaps it would light a fire under my ass and get me to actually write this novel that sits outlined, with half written chapters and under-developed characters, taking up space on my hard drive.

But no. What I’ve learned is that I’m the laziest person on earth. When asked at the end of one chapter, “How do you want to feel in your life?” my immediate and gut response was, “just like this.” Which, at the time, I was lounging on the front porch, drinking a bourbon, not a care in the world. I was relaxing. I do that a lot. Probably more than I should, according to this book, which also asked me to raise my hand if I had a 5 year plan. Um….I don’t even have a plan for later this afternoon.

Which brings me to the question: What the hell of I’m doing in a group for women entrepreneurs? How can I claim to be a business owner, start-up, dreamer, or passionate about my future anything?

The answer was simple. And fittingly enough, it came from the previous chapter in the book: Easy is Productive. Yep. That’s so true. I may take the easy way out, but it works for me. I may do little to nothing and seemly have zero ambition, but look at how rich my life is! (I’m speaking purely metaphorically here–I have no cash to speak of. ha)

The truth is, I’m in a really good place and I’ve got to stop being ashamed to admit it. I sometimes struggle with worry that other people find me silly or inconsequential because I’m too “happy” or content. But I need to own up to the fact that I just am. As the author of the book pointed out, we all want what we want. It’s just that simple.

I do have dreams–like that house in Italy, or a novel that turns into screenplay. But what I realized is that my reaction to not attaining those dreams is–meh. NBD. (That’s ‘no big deal’ for those of you who don’t speak text message). And as for the rest of my dreams: well, I’m living them right now. I want what I want: and I want This. Every single messy, lazy, unproductive minute of it. And maybe I will change my mind at some point, but for now it’s all good.

Fire starter? Maybe not. But burning with a passionate love for the life I’m living right now? Absolutely.

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Side note: despite my sarcastic commentary, The Fire Starter Sessions is really a fabulous book. Many of the thoughts she put forth are worth underlining and visiting on a regular basis. If anything, it is a book that helps clarify life choices, and inspire creativity. With any luck, I will get off my front porch and finish that novel. And there will be a guest house at my Italian villa. So be nice to me.

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