After all this talk about moving closer to downtown, it occurred to me today that I should really consider buying a farm instead. It would be purely economical, although the wide-open spaces might be a nice side benefit.
The first thing I would plant on my farm would be an apple orchard. That would save me roughly the cost of a summer home each year, as all three of my children have decided it is mandatory to follow the cliché advice of “an apple a day.” I guess I could factor in the money saved on doctor visits, but really, it’s counter-acted by the massive quantities of other foods they consume. Their afternoon snacks are the equivalent of my breakfast and lunch combined, and then a mere 2 hours later they rally to clean their dinner plates. (That is, all but the small one–she rarely eats dinner. It’s a side effect of eating her weight in peanut butter at lunch)
I imagine life wouldn’t be too hard on a farm, either, with all these kids to help out. We’d sow acres and acres of all their favorite fruits and vegetables and then wisely move our mutual funds from Kroger to Tractor & Supply. We’d milk our own cows and eliminate the need for an extra refrigerator to store the gallons and gallons of milk we need each week.
Oh, who am I kidding? I can’t even keep our house plants alive and I consider it a lot of trouble to cut my own fruit, much less grow it. Besides, living out on a farm would make for a long drive to the grocery. And I’d still need to go to the grocery…I wouldn’t want to run out of MY favorite foods, which sadly, only grow in processed food factories. For now I’ll stick to growing children, not produce. At least this way I know I’m bound for the funny farm one day.